Proof

Just want to show you that I am okay, back to normal, alive and kicking.




See?




Notice the scars in my right arm.




Yun lang po. Hahaha!

Eyes Wide Shut

It was a busy day.

Filing a case is not an easy task pala.

So many requirements to submit, so many processes involved, so many paperworks, so many documents to be signed, parang kakandidato na rin ako sa susunod na eleksiyon.

Very draining ang buong araw.

I’m glad that the provincial prosecutor escalated our case from a simple robbery to three counts of attempted murder. One of the suspects is now detained at the provincial jail.

Yes.

I saw him, we were face to face infront of the fiscal.
He confessed that after they get the money they were gonna kill us pala eventually.
Gusto ko siyang hampasin ng tubo. Nanginginig ako deep within at kahit gusto ko nang umiyak ay pinigilan ko. I was trying to show strength in my face, that I was not afraid to face my murderer. Grace under pressure is not enough to describe it.

He was accompanied by his father, a policeman from their hometown, and his equally ugly cousin who looks like a ‘tulisan’ too.

He said he was sorry. I wanted to slap him.
No, gusto ko siyang tadyakan, bugbugin, sakalin hanggang malagutan ng hininga.
In the end, I maintained focus.
Bahala na ang batas sa kanya.


Anyway, I’m back to work now but I’ve changed my routine tremendously. No more taking chances.
With regards to my ear, well, it’s not yet healed. I still can’t hear words correctly. Parang mumbling ang kumakausap sa akin through my left side.
I was joking my boss that if this won’t heal talaga, okay lang sa akin. Since I’m partially deaf, qualified na ako to get a 20% discount for everything. This is what I call “Forever Sale”. Hahaha!


Alam niyo, with what happened to me I realised maybe may hindi pa ako nagagawa dito sa mundo na God has tasked me to do. I’m not sure what it is though.

Or perhaps this is my wake-up call.
Maybe He wants me to change something. Something that I needed to give more focus and importance.

I’m not a perfect person. I am totally flawed and I can’t promise Him anything.

Only that I will try to be good.

Of course, my eyes are more open now.




Maybe that’s what He wants me to do.






photo credit: storpmix.net

Thank You

I’ll just make this short.


I would like to say THANK YOU to all of you who wishes me well.

THANK YOU for the virtual hugs.

THANK YOU for caring.

THANK YOU for the love.

THANK YOU to the policemen, doctors, and nurses.

THANK YOU friends and co-bloggers.

THANK YOU bestfriends.

THANK YOU Manang, Ate, and Weng.

THANK YOU GOD.

Second Chance: My Brush With Death

Yesterday was the 3rd of July 2009, the most significant day of my life.

I was doing my usual routine. Woke up at 6 and I was at the office by 7. I wore an avocado green shirt and pinstripe pants with my ever reliable leather slip ons.

By lunchtime, I was asked by our manager to go to the bank to withdraw money since it's payday the next day for our workers.

And so I did.

Together with me is our driver and one bodyguard.

On our way back to the office, our bodyguard noticed two motorcycles following us.

All of a sudden, I heard gunshots, hitting the windshield. I automatically ducked and covered my head. In that moment all I heard was me screaming and gunshots from various ammunitions.

Oh my God, we're getting ambushed.

Our vehicle stopped.

I thought my driver was shot.

I was still in thesame position as the exchange of bullets continues.

Broken glasses and splinters were hurting me.

I felt something wet from my left arm and cheek.

It was blood.

When the firing stopped I looked at my driver and he was looking at me too. I immediately told him,

"Tara na!"

He started the engine, our guard jumped back and we left the place.

I can still feel the blood rushing from my face and neck. My left ear is bleeding.

I grabbed my cellphone and called a friend, then my boss.

We were running very fast to seek refuge and assistance to the nearest police station.



There were four men who ambushed us. All of them armed.

There were only three of us. Only 1 is armed.

No one from our side was hurt badly.

Two of the lawless elements were killed.
Two of them injured. One is currently detained and the other one escaped and is still at large.



My driver and bodyguard are both okay physically. Not a scratch.

I am not totally okay. I suffered wounds and burns in my head, arms and legs caused by the broken windshield and gunpowder. I can't hear a thing from my left ear. I think it's punctured that's why it was bleeding profusely.

Despite the physical pain, I am not heartbroken or demoralised.

I did not cry.

I can't cry.

I am happy.

We survived a possible death.

I called God many times when we were in the middle of the ordeal. I asked for help.

He listened.

He protected us.

He gave me a chance.


This is my second life.
I am thankul and I feel blessed.

Life is very unpredictable.

Everyday is a surprise.

To live each day to the fullest is not realistic. You just can't.

You have to live each day without regret. Each and every action you make can result to something good or bad.

What happened yesterday was an unfateful event that we really don't want to be a part of.

I really thought I was gonna die.

The important thing is today.

We are still here.

Once again, I thank God.
I thank my faith in Him.
I thank Him for another life.

God is Good.

Amen.

This Way

So.

Kahit malungkot ay kailangan pa rin natin magpatuloy sa ating buhay, right?

What are the best ways to cope up with loneliness or sadness for that matter?

Well, in my case maraming puwedeng gawin.

First, deal with it. Get on with your daily routine like nothing happened. Magpaka-busy sa work. Atupagin ang mga pending reports at ‘wag nang hintayin na umabot pa ito sa deadline. Very effective itong pang-divert ng lungkot. Kung subsob ka sa trabaho makakalimutan mo na ang problemang personal mo. Makakalimutan mo na rin ang kumain. Hahaha!

Second, kung hindi ka naman busy sa work, magsulat ka ng poems. Or kung hindi ka naman makata, magsulat ng blog entry, tulad ng ginagawa ko. Make your hands busy. Mag-drawing or mag-sketch. Sa ganitong paraan nae-exercise mo na ang creativity mo, nailalabas mo pa ang iyong sama ng loob, angst at kung anu-ano pang emotion na maaaring na-trap sa iyong kalungkutan or depression.

Third, kung marami kang pera, mag-shopping! Maraming sale ngayon kasi mid-year. Ang alam ko whole month ng July ay may sale ang Zara. Pati na ang mga imported brands na franchise ni Ben Chan. Marami din akong nakitang online shopping site na may sale. Hello? Oki-ni.com. Juice ko nakakalula ang sale items nila. Jil Sander, Alexander McQueen, Rick Owens, Maison Martin Margiela and more! Huwag mo lang kalimutan na padalhan ako, okay?

Fourth, mag-binge eating. Wala naman silbi ang kaka-diet mo dahil nawalan ka rin naman ng lablayp, ano pa ang silbi ng pagpapasexy mo noh. Hahaha! Kumain ka ng kumain ng kumain. Kumain ka ng breakfast, yung heavy. Mag meryenda, mag lunch, snacks, dinner at midnight snacks. Ubusin mo ang junk foods sa buong shelf ng Robinsons. Maghanap ka ng matakaw na friend, e.g. me at yayain mo akong mag food trip. Hahaha!

Fifth, huwag kang makinig ng senti music. Juice ko, tigilan mo na ang kakaiyak. Tama na ang dalawa hanggang tatlong gabing pag-iyak. Change your music from mellow to alternative. Think classic Nirvana, or Garbage, vintage Blondie or much better kung si Marilyn Manson ang karamay mo. Iwasan mo lang ang ma-praning. Hihi

Sixth, mag-bakasyon. It doesn’t have to be somewhere far or expensive. Kahit sa beach lang or sa gubat. Hahaha! Bring your friends or family. Mag-bonding. Reconnect your life with them. Sila ang mga taong unconditional ang love sa’yo.

Ano pa ba? Wala na akong maisip.

Any suggestions?

Basta marami pang paraan to help yourself in getting back to normal. Explore. Ask yourself. Meditate.

Best of all, maintain your sanity. Always think that a lot of people care for you. Your family loves you. Your friends are there to listen and to help you.

Most importantly, you have to move on.

Flip over the page.

It’s time for the next chapter.





Ready na ako.

And I Love You So

It’s hard to endure physical pain.

But it’s harder pala if the pain is from deep within.

I thought I was invincible.

Hindi pala. Akala ko kasi I would never experience such pain. Madalas nauuna na akong tumakas bago pa man ako masaktan.

Not all the time pala.

Yes. I am currently hurting.

But nobody knew. Not even my friends. My family.
Not even him.

Who would have thought.

They see me everyday with a smile painted on my face 24/7. Tumatawa ng wala sa poise.
Yun ang akala nila.

I am the kind of person who would never show appropriate emotions in front of the world, especially when I’m in pain.

Don’t worry. This will pass. Bukas ng umaga I will go on with my life. Magtatrabaho, like nothing happened. Kakain ng agahan kahit walang gana. Ipagpapatuloy ang pag-ngiti kahit sa façade lang. I know I’m good at it.

Setting aside the feeling of being left out in the rain.



Alam ko, titigil din ang ulan.







P.S.
Salamat kay Ate Regine.

I Never Dreamed Someone Like You Could Want Someone Like Me

You.

Me.

You saw me.

I noticed you.

You were with someone else.

I was not committed.

You said ‘Hi’.

I said ‘Hello’.

My first impression of you was ‘suplado’.

I hated you so much.

You said I’m ‘suplada’ and too full of myself.

Hello? Look who’s talking.

But as they said, there’s a very fine line between hate and love.

We both crossed the border.

You pursued.

I let you follow.

All of a sudden, we became close.

We were happy.

You met my friend, I’m met yours.

Even your family.

We were never physical but we were intimate.

Our friendship blossomed.

After it bloomed, it wilted.

Very fast.

When you left, I cried.

But you promised to return.

When you were away I met other people.

They were never like you.

I heard stories about you but I was hopeful you’ll come back to me.

A few months ago, you kept your promise.

I cried again but with tears of joy.

I was happy again.

I noticed you’ve changed but hoping it’s for the better.

Things would hopefully come back to normal.

But it didn’t. I was wrong.

You left again.

This time, I don’t know if I will still find you or you’ll come back again.

You did not promise anything.

But you know what, that’s okay.

I’ll still wait for you.

That’s what airports are for.







photo credit: jpgmag.com